W.A.L.T: Write a narrative
Success Criteria
I know I will be successful when….
- The title is suitable for the text.
- The orientation tells who the story is about, and when and where the story happened.
- The complication describes a problem and explains what happened next.
- The resolution explains how the problem was solved.
- Seeks feedback and makes changes to texts to improve clarity and meaning.
In Ako Ngatahi we had to write a narrative about a video. It was about a boy opening a present that was a dog with three legs. Here is the video of the present. I hope you enjoy my story.
I was playing on my Xbox 360 when I heard the door open I knew it was my mum but I didn't know she was coming in with a box! I was thinking why does she have a box? I gently opened the box. A golden puppy jumped out at me. He was a golden retriever with beautiful brown eyes. I picked him up and said to myself, “Awesome,” but when I saw that he only had three legs I through him on the ground on and yelled, “Get lost.”
I started playing my game again. He fell upside down but found a red ball underneath a cupboard. He ran towards it but headbutted the cupboard. He then crawled underneath the cupboard and threw the ball out of his mouth to me. I kicked it away while the 3 legged dog did roly polys and flips while trying to get the ball back.
When he got to the ball he tried to wrestle it. I giggled at him but when he heard me the cute golden dog looked at me then ran over to me with the ball in his mouth. He dropped the red ball in front of me. He tried to scratch himself with and I smiled. I took the ball and got my crutches and hobbled to the back door. I open the white door a little bit and the dog pushed the door open some more. I said to mum, “We'll be outside.” Then I started to throw the ball.
As we started to play I was thinking of a name. Maybe Buster, well I still need time to name him. Tomorrow was bring your pet to school so I could show all of my friends my new dog, Buster.
Hi Taylor,
ReplyDeleteIn your story I really liked how you used the word "headbutted" instead bumped or banged. How long did it take you to write this?
It took me quite a while Mikayla.
DeleteTaylor, your story is easy to follow because you have used some great descriptive language and kept us knowing how you were feeling. You gave us lots of examples to describe the dog's character. You could improve this writing by explaining that you (the boy) are missing part of your leg too. This explains a lot to the reader. I am impressed with your language features like using a rhetorical question, and your punctuation which included good use of speech marks. I look forward to reading more of your work this year.
ReplyDelete